When Grandma Died

When I was born, my Grandmother told my mother she would live to see be graduate. She almost did.

Even though she was really my aunt, I called her Grandma. She basically raised my mother and took care of me as a baby. I was always close to her and never thought it was strange that I had two grandmothers on one side of my family. I didn’t find out the reality of our relation until I was older, but it never made a difference to me.

It was scary for me when she got older. I never thought about life without her in it. I really got nervous when she was moved into a nursing home because she couldn’t live on her own and started forgetting things and people. But there was something about our bond. So special that she never forgot my name or who I was dispite the Alzheimers. So special that each time I left from a visit with her, there was a knowledge that I would see her again. Even with her going back and forth to the hospital, I knew I would see her again. Until my senior year in high school.

Grandma was back in the hospital, not unlike times past. But there was something different. The moment I walked into that hospital room that night in January 1990 it hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew this would be the last time I would see her alive.

She laid there in that bed with her eyes closed. I don’t know what she knew or didn’t know about who was there to see her. But as my mother and step-father stood beside her bed talking to her, I sat in the corner of the room in stunned silence. I hadn’t experienced a sorrow in my life as deep as that. I didn’t want to believe or accept the finality I knew in those moments. This was my special lady.

It wasn’t until the room was clear that I felt as if I could go to her side. I took her hand and cried like I never had before. I don’t know how long I stood there before I could finally speak to her and tell he how much I loved her. And somehow, by the grace of God, when I could let her hand go I was able to let her go. I knew she would be ok. I don’t know how long it was before the tears stopped that night. But once they were dry, I didn’t cry again - until this moment 19 years later as I think back on that night.

While she didn’t physically see me graduate, I know she was there. I know she’s been cheering me on and watching out for me just like she always did. And I still have po-ke-no, Connect Four, I D-clare War, Dueces, afternoons watching “the stories,” telling her to wake up and her telling we she was just resting her eyes - I have those memories and I know that means I will always have her in my heart.

I do miss her still.

Develop High Energy Habits

A friend and I had a conversation about how much time we waste doing things that are not moving us in the direction of our goals. I, for one, am a Facebook Addict. There I said it. I will log-in in the morning and stay connected all day long. I refresh the page to see if any of my friends have said something I just have to read and know and I play the games and send virtual gifts to my friends all day long. Now while I do get work done, I tend to piddle away any down time I have on Facebook. Then later in the day I feel bad because I didn’t accomplish anything with my day. At night and on the weekends it’s television (while being logged into Facebook). I will spend hours watching TV, even when there is nothing on I want to see. I spend relatively little time focused on the things that will help me create the life I desire to have.

Not to say that there is anything wrong with Facebook or watching TV or whatever it is that keeps us from following our path consistently, we all need to take downtime and just relax and enjoy ourselves. But when our lives become overrun with these things and we feel discontented with the progress we are making in our lives and careers, we need to pause and take notice.
These are low energy habits. These things keep us from the high energy, productive and creative lives we long to live. If you follow the lives of highly successful people, most of their time is spent in the pursuit of their goals and less on time and energy draining distractions. These people have not only keyed in on what they want to accomplish in their lives, they are taking the inspired steps to make those things a reality. And that is the main difference between them and the rest of us.

The difference between high energy and low energy activities is how you feel afterwards. When you complete a high energy activity, while you may be tired physically depending on the level of exertion, you feel the joy of having accomplished something. You feel renewed and more alive. The knowledge that you have made another step towards your goals makes you more enthusiastic and you become a beacon of light to those around you. Low energy activities keep you feeling dissatisfied with your life, you become more lethargic and experience boredom. You can become increasingly depressed because your life seems to be at a standstill, you aren’t accomplishing anything worthwhile or making an impact on the community around you.
And what we all long for inside it to make an impact and an imprint on the minds and hearts of those around us. But as we spend countless hours each week engaged in activities that only serve to temporarily entertain us, we miss out on opportunities to burst through the self-imposed ceiling of success we think restrains us.

But I think I have to ask myself: What do I get out of pursuing low energy activities?

We don’t do anything that we don’t get something out of. Even if what we get is a “confirmation” of our own lack of self-worth, self-esteem or sense of deserving. Perhaps we are afraid that our success will put us out of touch with our friends or family. Maybe we believe that there is a limit to how much we can achieve and these activities hold us below that limit. Maybe our preconceived notions about successful people are negative and by not being as successful we think we are somehow better than them. Whatever the underlying motivation, there is something that has us delaying our success instead of tackling it full force. And most of these underlying beliefs are necessary or true to our lives at this point. When we ask this question, we empower ourselves to choose more productive, high energy activities that make us feel so much better about ourselves.

That’s how I came up with this blog. I made a decision that I was going to log off of Facebook and read some articles in Psychology Today Magazine. I finished reading an article and felt so much better about the way I had spent those 15 minutes. While I thought about how good that felt, I knew I needed to write about that good feeling. These words are a product of that introspection. And you know what, I feel even better having written this and can’t wait to see how I will be inspired to spend my time this afternoon.

So I encourage you to log off that website, put down that controller, turn off that TV and start by doing one thing that moves you towards your goal. Like the Lays potato chip slogan, I bet you can’t do just one.

Some tips for engaging more consistently in high energy activities:

1. Have a specific goal (or set of goals) in mind. Know what it is you want to accomplish. Think of what it will look like when the goal is accomplished. To get someplace, you have to know where you are going.
2. Write down your goals and have copies in places where you can look at them frequently. These will be reminders to you of what you want to accomplish. This will help you keep focused.
3. Notice when you are engaged in a low energy activity and choose to get back to achieving your goals. Many of us habitually engage in low energy activities and we start doing them by default, as if on autopilot. SNAP OUT OF IT. Post your goal reminders near the things that have become used for low energy activities; on the computer, TV, game system or refrigerator.
4. Get an accountability buddy. Have someone in your life (a friend, a life coach, a counselor) who will remind you of those things you want to accomplish and hold you to them.
5. Join/create a Mastermind group. You will not only inspire each other with your passion for what you want to accomplish, you will also have accountability buddies and another source of inspired ideas that could help get you moving in the right direction.
6. When you get an inspired idea, start working on it. When we start looking at what we want to accomplish we can ask ourselves “What is something I can do right now to move me in the direction of my goal?” When the ideas come, we have to get cracking.
   

The more you engage in high energy activities, the more this will become habitual in your life. Then you won’t be able to help achieving your dreams and desires and you will create a sense of success and prosperity in your life that will draw the physical manifestations of those feelings into your experience.

Click Next

Some of us may be old enough to remember playing a scratched record. Others have to refer to a scratched CD or DVD. What happens is still the same, when the needle (or laser) hit's the scratch, it jumps back to some previous point and replays the same music (or scene) over and over again. Some DVD and CD's just stop playing at all right at that point.

We actually do the same thing in life. As children we go along just fine. We play, experiment with and experience life until something traumatic happens to us. Maybe a parent always called us stupid, or we got whipped for things we didn't do or maybe never got picked for sports or were picked on by older siblings or bullies. Maybe we were physically, emotionally or sexually abused. Whatever the event (or sequence of events) they scratch our life. And that scratch makes us play an event over and over in our minds until it created a pattern in our lives.

Many of the patterns we experience in life are replays of an earlier trama that we experienced but had no control over. Later in life, we subconsciously recreate the events with a different cast of characters. Once we understand our creative power in life, we can press stop on that old story and create a new life.

We are the creative force behind our lives, but we forget this spiritual truth as we learn to play the victim and blame others for our disappointments. And while we didn't ask for the initial event, the replication of that event in our lives is something we can do something about. And it starts with taking responsibility; not for the initial events but for our role in replaying them now that we have a better understanding of who we are and the power God has gifted us with.

Taking responsibility is like finally waking up to the unconscious patterns we have allowed to replay in our lives and consciously learning to make a change. It allows us to see that what we fear isn't real anymore. It has already happened and doesn't have to continue if we are dedicated to writing a new chapter in our lives. Now we can pay attention to the decisions we make that lead us down the same path and the people we draw to us to play the perpetrators in our drama. Now we can say NO to playing the role of victim and take our rightful place as VICTORIOUS creations of God.

We can move the needle to the next song, forward to the next scene or change the music or movie entirely. It's our choice and being responsible for the choices you make now will open the door to abundance, happiness and success that you never thought possible.

So what will you do, continue replaying the drama or move powerfully forward. The choice is yours.

May the Face of Death Teach us to Live

This week has been burdened by death. For those in the DC area, we have lost 9 souls in a devastating subway train crash. In the midst of that, the nation mourned the loss of Ed McMahon. Yesterday afternoon, we were greeted with news of the passing of Farrah Faucett. And as I ended my work day yesterday evening, Michael Jackson suddenly bid us farewell.

In the wake of these terrible incidents, the news was flooded with stories of the lives these people lived. Stories about dreams they chased, goals they accomplished and lives they touched. And I started thinking about life, my life. What legacy did I want to leave behind? What did I hope people remembered most about me? What did I want to have accomplished when my time to pass on came?

And most importantly to me - What am I doing now to make these things reality?

Despite the troubles any of these people faced, or any negativity they were apart of, they made an attempt to truly live - To discover and express their passion and purpose in life while they were with us. In music, activism, acting, hosting, serving our country in war, doing hair or even fulfilling a goal of driving a subway train, they made their own indelible mark on the world or at least their small portion of it. And even those who were "taken away too soon," we will never forget how they touched us with their compassion, creativity, hope, joy and love.

And even in death, they teach us how to live. They show us to live each day like it's our last, achieve our hearts desires, leave no word unsaid and no deed undone, let go of any grudges and express our love and appreciation for those we care about while we have the opportunity. They teach us to live without regrets and to excel in spite of our fear to be the best we can be.

Then when we reach that final day, whether expected or unexpected, it will all be well with our souls.

Don't hold back your passion, purpose or promise. You are here to leave a mark on this world in your own unique way. Release your maximum potential, changing your life and showing those around you how brightly they too can shine if they just expose the light of their gifts, the light of their spirit. Then we are sure to hear these words in our souls, "Well done my good and faithful servant."

Ade And Melissa - SYTYCD

Ade surely has a ... um "following" just look BEHIND him....lol


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Story of a African King and His Friend

A story is told about a King in Africa who had a close friend that he
grew up with. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation
that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) by
remarking, "This is good, God knows best"

One day the King and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The
friend would load and prepare the guns for the King. The friend had
apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for
after taking the gun from his friend, the King fired it and his thumb
was blown off.

Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!
God knows best."

To which the King replied, "No, this is NOT good!" and ordered his
soldiers to put his friend into jail.

About a year later, the King was hunting in an area that he should
have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured the King and took him
to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a
stake and bound him to the stake.

As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the King
was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone who
was less than whole. So after untying the King, they chased him out
of the village.

When the King reached his Palace, he was reminded of the event that
had taken his thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend.
He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend.

"You were right" the King said, "It was good that my thumb was blown
off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just
happened. "I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It
was bad for me to do this."

"No," his friend replied, "this is good…God knows best"

"What do you mean, `this is good'! How could it be good that I sent
my friend to jail for a year?"

The King's friend replied: "Remember that the Almighty knows best and
if I had NOT been in jail, I would have been with you on that hunting
trip."

........

Do Not Judge Things or Events by their immediate Outcome!

Taking Responsibility

Life can be a bitch.

Not because it's really all that hard, but because most of us are never taught how to deal with and change the circumstances in our lives. We blame and become the victim of people and circumstances and most of us, if we really step back and take a look at the over all themes of our lives, go though the same things over and over again just with different people.

I am at that place where I am forced to look at the themes I have been dealing with and the feelings these situations triggered in me. One big one is Love. As much as I tell folks, as a life coach, to recognize that love comes from within first and radiates outward, I look for love outside myself to make me feel wanted and appreciated. Having never been taught otherwise, I know in my head the correct way to handle things but my heart is trained to habitually do things the wrong way.

So today's lesson is to take responsibility for loving me first. But to do that I have to take a good look at the anger, sadness and resentment inside me because I looked to others to love me for me. I have to face what I feel about myself and towards myself. And I have to take back the power I have given away to do the best I can for me and treat myself with the utmost respect and care.

My heart has always been my own responsibility and now I relish the idea of cherishing it and sharing it.