It's All About Me

Life is very interesting when you get down to it.  When you are not so caught up in the happenings that you can pay attention to what's going on behind the scenes.  When you can be just conscious enough to understand that the things that you experience and that your attention is drawn to is for a reason.

I get, in my life, that the reason is always me.

Talk to any successful person and they will tell you about a time (probably many times) that they didn't feel so successful.  They will tell you of times when they didn't think they would make it.  They will discuss times that they got off track.  They will share times that they felt like they wouldn't be able to overcome and get back on the right path.  But what they all have in common and the reason they were able to become and continue to be successful is that they didn't let those times rule them.  They had a choice, be defeated in that moment by that situation or get up and realize that this too shall pass and keep pressing on.  They chose the latter.  Even when things got rough and even when it would have been easier to throw in the towel, they dusted themselves off and kept moving in the direction of their dreams.

I want to be like those people.  I want to be sitting in an interview and be asked, "What do you attribute your success to?"  And I answer, "Taking responsibility, adjusting my focus and moving forward."

Taking Responsibility

That's what I mean when I say, it's all about me.  There is nothing that happens in my life that isn't directly correlated with my beliefs about myself and my life.  Coming to understand that is one of the hardest things to do.  It's not about the mistake that was made, it's about the belief that led me to make that mistake.   It's not just about admitting to myself and those I may have wronged that I triggered a hurt within them, it's about my expectations in the world and of the world that led me down the path to that situation.

I've grown into someone that can admit when he's been or done wrong.  I am open to learning new things and becoming a better person. But the most challenging thing is confronting the negative expectation within myself, facing it and replacing it.  I have chosen to see life in a certain way, through a certain lens, from a certain perspective and that choice shows up as the things that happen and the things I focus upon in myself, my community and my world.  And my first step to success is the willingness to take responsibility for those choices, recognize those that don't serve the goals of my life and to make a different choice.

Adjusting Focus

I've trained myself over the years to look at life from certain perspectives. Some of them work for me. Some of them don't - or don't any longer.  Some of these I learned and accepted from people I looked up to and trusted and instilled them in my life.  Some were just choices made from, what seemed like, patterns being repeated in my life.  No matter where they came from, they are habits of thoughts now that continue to place me in situations that are meant for me to address them if necessary.

Beliefs - habits of thought - are actually very transient.  But they can become squatters.  Once they have embedded themselves, it takes effort to remove and replace them.  Adjusting my focus isn't just about shifting my focus back to my goal.  It's also about shifting my focus to the thought patterns that need to be in place for that goal to be reached.  It's about recognizing what I am allowing to hinder me and removing that self-imposed obstacle (because they all are self-imposed) from my way.

For me, at this time, it's about seeing the good in people and believing in that goodness.  It's about expecting to be met by the God in others when I interact with them.  It's about knowing that when I do encounter someone acting negatively that it's not the real them - it's their hurt, their pain, their disappointments, their insecurities, their barrier, their beliefs and expectations about the world around them.  The real part of all of us is the Spirit of God within us, the part that most of us don't know.  But if I know it's there, and keep my attention focused on that part of you, perhaps you will see it too.  Perhaps you will start seeking it out.  Perhaps you will learn to connect with who you really are.

Moving On

Taking the next step in this journey to success is impossible if I allow my regret to hold me back.  What's done is done.  And even if I didn't respond to a situation as the best of who I know I could have been in that moment, I can't change it now.  All I can do is bless the situation for happening, for allowing me to see myself with more clarity, and for offering me the opportunity to grow.  And then I have to forgive myself for whatever part I played in the drama.  I have to love myself in spite of my mistakes. I have to forgive myself in spite of receiving the forgiveness of others.  I have to forgive myself for viewing any and everyone involved as less than the Child of God that they are.  Then I am free to take the next step.

It's interesting to realize that there is never really a need for anyone else to do anything other than what they are doing or be anything other than who they think they are.  Often there is no need to have a conversation to get to the bottom of anything.  It's all about me making peace with me, loving me unconditionally, letting myself and others off the hook for unrealistic expectations, and not allowing myself to be drawn into self-pity or participate in what may seem to be the attempt of another to make me suffer or feel guilty.

That's maturity.

That's being a grown up.