Last night I was on a phone call with someone I haven't seen in a while. I was talking to him about how I've lost weight and about me going to the gym three times a week. He then asked me if I was trying to change my body. I inferred from his tone and the following conversation that his impression was that I was loosing weight to make myself more attractive to and appreciated by others if my body type was different. He suggested that three days a week was a lot of time to spend in the gym. And in the end, it seemed as if I was being told that I should just settle with the body type I am currently in and not aim for something different.
In some ways I agree. No matter what, there does come a necessity for us to learn to love and appreciate ourselves where we are in our process. If we have some extra pounds, we have to know that we are still beautiful and attractive individuals, inside and out. We have to understand that God didn't create us all to be the same height, weight, color, religious affiliation or even sexual orientation. And it is this mix of endless differences that makes the world so colorful, vibrant, interesting and exciting. We get to interact with all the differences and decide for ourselves how we want to live our lives and each person will choose something a little different to everyone else. And weight is a part of the mix of interesting things we get to live and experience. So yes, we must appreciate the body that we are in now whether we want to lose weight or gain weight or not change at all.
Yet even in our learning to appreciate ourselves, we still have to interact with others in a world where we are taught to take heed of what other people think of us. And even those of us who decide not to "give a fcuk," can't totally negate the impact that another person's thought's have on us. And since the first thing people notice about us is our body, it goes without saying that apart of our desire to change our body shape comes from how we are accepted/rejected by those around us. And those of us who experience live in larger physiques are more profoundly affected by the thoughts of society at large about our size. And while we may come to love ourselves and our physiques, we still are affected by the way people look at us or the way we THINK people look at us.
My answer to him was this: I've experienced life as a fat boy. I've learned a lot from it and with all my struggles with weight, I wouldn't change a bit of that time. Many of the lessons I've learned about life came from dealing with my weight journey. Now I want to experience life with a smaller body, one with definition and added strength. One that makes a larger part of the population stop and take a second or third appreciative look. I want to feel better about how I think the world looks at me.
And there is nothing wrong with that being my motivation. Yes, I want to have a picture of my body reblogged endlessly on Tumblr. Yes I want people in the club or at the beach to see my body before they get to know my heart and mind. Of course I have been through enough to understand what criteria I use to pick the people I want to date, but there is nothing wrong with enjoying the appreciation that comes from others about how you look.
Now at the end of the day, none of us should be looking at the appreciation of others as the building block for our appreciation of ourselves. Self-love and self-respect remain of primary importance. We have to know our own worth, talents and abilities and appreciate ourselves despite our mistakes or perceived short-comings. We each have to be able to look in the mirror and love what we see reflected back to us. We have to know that we were created 'good enough' and no situation or circumstance can take away our status before God as 'good enough.' We don't have to be thinner, thicker, taller, shorter, have a big house, forsake all worldly possessions in order for the Divine to accept us, love us and continually give us the desires of our heart. We just have to recognize our innate worthiness and walk in pride no matter what our outer circumstances look like. And when we have that knowledge imbedded deep within, every appreciative glance, every flirt, every pound loss by someone larger or pound gained by someone smaller, every piece of clothing that fits exactly like we want it to fit is that much sweeter as we experience it.
There are a myriad of things to sift through in life. Each and every situation and interaction, good or bad, inspires in us a desire for an experience that we believe will make us happier. And as we experience the things that make us happier, our belief in our worthiness is strengthened as we are faced with the next set of experiences to sift through to determine what we want next in life.
If you are struggling with weight,
- know that the new body you want to be in is the same body that God wants to see you in - Why? Because God loves you enough to give you the desires of your heart.
- know that the body you have isn't what's holding you back, it's your thoughts about yourself and ultimately your body that's holding you back. Appreciate yourself daily- you talents and gifts as well as the parts of your body you do love. Celebrate yourself and your successes
- have fun with it. Remember your desire here is to be happier and more fulfilled, the change in body type is just a reflection of that. Do things that are fun and active. Join others doing similar things. You will make new friends and strengthen friendships you already have and as your focus is on the fun more than the weight, the weight will fall off naturally.
- appreciate those who appreciate you. As I've become more comfortable in my own skin I can now see the people around me who love me for who I am. I don't have to change for them, but with me they celebrate my success and encourage me to follow the direction of my bliss/happiness.
