I went to see this very interesting play this past weekend called "Booty Candy." First of all, if you ever get a chance to see this play, you owe it to yourself to check it out. There was one scene in the play that stood out to me more than the others. It was a scene about an un-commitment ceremony. In the scene a lesbian couple was essentially getting a divorce. The scene was funny because the two women really hated each other and they were pledging to continue to hate each other for as long as they both shall live. But the scene brought up something very interesting for me: Do we really let go when we break up?
Relationships (straight/gay, romantic/platonic) connect us to people spiritually. It's as if there is a cord that connects me to you and you to me and there is a transfer of energy that happens between the people in that relationship. The closer we get to a person, the thicker the cord. And while we have ceremonial ways of initiating relationships like handshakes, hugs, exchanging gifts, making promises, exchanging rings and having sex; do we have ways of ceremonially disconnecting from people when they are no longer a part of our lives?
I think that it's important for us to ceremonially disconnect from people who are not in our lives anymore; past friends and lovers as well as one night stands. For me, this process includes throwing away mementos, pictures and other reminders of what used to be. Also a visualization process where I see myself disconnecting these cords, releasing myself from these people and working through any disappointment that lingers because of the ending of these relationships. Some people refer to these things as the emotional baggage we carry - some of it is attached to the physical representations of past relationships that we hold on to. As we let these things go, we are also letting these people go and we are opening ourselves up to the relationships that are more suited for who we are now to come into our lives.
What you are holding on to could be holding you back from the blessings that are lined up for you. It's like you've chained yourself in place and you can't move freely into what God has for you next. So I encourage you to break the chains by releasing the attachments you have with ex's and past friends. Sell jewelry, donate clothes, throw away letters/cards/pictures. Even if they bring back good memories, holding on to that past is keeping you from a better future.
Letting go of these things also helps break patterns of attraction. Do you find that you keep meeting similar types of people? Cut ties to those from your past who were like that and claim the new experience with the type of person you want to be involved with now. And that's the second part, welcome the new experiences. Be excited that now that these old cords have been cut, new relationships are coming into your life. Rejoice that now you know the people you meet will be more beneficial to you.
People come into your life for a reason. They come to help you learn more about who you are and what you want out of life. They are supposed to stay till that has been accomplished. For folks who inspire growth in one another and both allow their lives to follow the path of that growth, it could be a long interaction with both parties growing to new levels and inspiring more growth in each other. But when it's time for folks to leave, even that is inspiring growth but you can't experience that growth without being willing to let them go so you both can grow into the new people that are meant to come into your lives.
Go ahead and cry, mourn the ending of the relationships. Cry out the hurt and disappointment. Like rain clears pollen from the sky, tears clear the residue of these ended and ending relationships from your heart, waters the seeds of desire for new relationships, and is the catalyst for the growth of these new experiences. Letting go of the mementos from the past is like lifting anchor so that you can set sail in a new direction instead of going in circles. See how quickly your life will shift.
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