It's All About Me

Life is very interesting when you get down to it.  When you are not so caught up in the happenings that you can pay attention to what's going on behind the scenes.  When you can be just conscious enough to understand that the things that you experience and that your attention is drawn to is for a reason.

I get, in my life, that the reason is always me.

Talk to any successful person and they will tell you about a time (probably many times) that they didn't feel so successful.  They will tell you of times when they didn't think they would make it.  They will discuss times that they got off track.  They will share times that they felt like they wouldn't be able to overcome and get back on the right path.  But what they all have in common and the reason they were able to become and continue to be successful is that they didn't let those times rule them.  They had a choice, be defeated in that moment by that situation or get up and realize that this too shall pass and keep pressing on.  They chose the latter.  Even when things got rough and even when it would have been easier to throw in the towel, they dusted themselves off and kept moving in the direction of their dreams.

I want to be like those people.  I want to be sitting in an interview and be asked, "What do you attribute your success to?"  And I answer, "Taking responsibility, adjusting my focus and moving forward."

Taking Responsibility

That's what I mean when I say, it's all about me.  There is nothing that happens in my life that isn't directly correlated with my beliefs about myself and my life.  Coming to understand that is one of the hardest things to do.  It's not about the mistake that was made, it's about the belief that led me to make that mistake.   It's not just about admitting to myself and those I may have wronged that I triggered a hurt within them, it's about my expectations in the world and of the world that led me down the path to that situation.

I've grown into someone that can admit when he's been or done wrong.  I am open to learning new things and becoming a better person. But the most challenging thing is confronting the negative expectation within myself, facing it and replacing it.  I have chosen to see life in a certain way, through a certain lens, from a certain perspective and that choice shows up as the things that happen and the things I focus upon in myself, my community and my world.  And my first step to success is the willingness to take responsibility for those choices, recognize those that don't serve the goals of my life and to make a different choice.

Adjusting Focus

I've trained myself over the years to look at life from certain perspectives. Some of them work for me. Some of them don't - or don't any longer.  Some of these I learned and accepted from people I looked up to and trusted and instilled them in my life.  Some were just choices made from, what seemed like, patterns being repeated in my life.  No matter where they came from, they are habits of thoughts now that continue to place me in situations that are meant for me to address them if necessary.

Beliefs - habits of thought - are actually very transient.  But they can become squatters.  Once they have embedded themselves, it takes effort to remove and replace them.  Adjusting my focus isn't just about shifting my focus back to my goal.  It's also about shifting my focus to the thought patterns that need to be in place for that goal to be reached.  It's about recognizing what I am allowing to hinder me and removing that self-imposed obstacle (because they all are self-imposed) from my way.

For me, at this time, it's about seeing the good in people and believing in that goodness.  It's about expecting to be met by the God in others when I interact with them.  It's about knowing that when I do encounter someone acting negatively that it's not the real them - it's their hurt, their pain, their disappointments, their insecurities, their barrier, their beliefs and expectations about the world around them.  The real part of all of us is the Spirit of God within us, the part that most of us don't know.  But if I know it's there, and keep my attention focused on that part of you, perhaps you will see it too.  Perhaps you will start seeking it out.  Perhaps you will learn to connect with who you really are.

Moving On

Taking the next step in this journey to success is impossible if I allow my regret to hold me back.  What's done is done.  And even if I didn't respond to a situation as the best of who I know I could have been in that moment, I can't change it now.  All I can do is bless the situation for happening, for allowing me to see myself with more clarity, and for offering me the opportunity to grow.  And then I have to forgive myself for whatever part I played in the drama.  I have to love myself in spite of my mistakes. I have to forgive myself in spite of receiving the forgiveness of others.  I have to forgive myself for viewing any and everyone involved as less than the Child of God that they are.  Then I am free to take the next step.

It's interesting to realize that there is never really a need for anyone else to do anything other than what they are doing or be anything other than who they think they are.  Often there is no need to have a conversation to get to the bottom of anything.  It's all about me making peace with me, loving me unconditionally, letting myself and others off the hook for unrealistic expectations, and not allowing myself to be drawn into self-pity or participate in what may seem to be the attempt of another to make me suffer or feel guilty.

That's maturity.

That's being a grown up.

It's My Body and I'll Get Slim If I Want To!

Our bodies have such an impact on our thought process about ourselves. Actually, being the only visible aspect of who we are, it has the most impact on what we think about ourselves and, of course, is the first thing people see about us.  And who among us didn't or doesn't have a thought "I wonder what he/she thinks about how I look?"

Last night I was on a phone call with someone I haven't seen in a while.  I was talking to him about how I've lost weight and about me going to the gym three times a week. He then asked me if I was trying to change my body.  I inferred from his tone and the following conversation that his impression was that I was loosing weight to make myself more attractive to and appreciated by others if my body type was different.  He suggested that three days a week was a lot of time to spend in the gym.  And in the end, it seemed as if I was being told that I should just settle with the body type I am currently in and not aim for something different.

In some ways I agree.  No matter what, there does come a necessity for us to learn to love and appreciate ourselves where we are in our process. If we have some extra pounds, we have to know that we are still beautiful and attractive individuals, inside and out.  We have to understand that God didn't create us all to be the same height, weight, color, religious affiliation or even sexual orientation.  And it is this mix of endless differences that makes the world so colorful, vibrant, interesting and exciting.  We get to interact with all the differences and decide for ourselves how we want to live our lives and each person will choose something a little different to everyone else.  And weight is a part of the mix of interesting things we get to live and experience.  So yes, we must appreciate the body that we are in now whether we want to lose weight or gain weight or not change at all.

Yet even in our learning to appreciate ourselves, we still have to interact with others in a world where we are taught to take heed of what other people think of us.  And even those of us who decide not to "give a fcuk," can't totally negate the impact that another person's thought's have on us.  And since the first thing people notice about us is our body, it goes without saying that apart of our desire to change our body shape comes from how we are accepted/rejected by those around us. And those of us who experience live in larger physiques are more profoundly affected by the thoughts of society at large about our size.  And while we may come to love ourselves and our physiques, we still are affected by the way people look at us or the way we THINK people look at us.

My answer to him was this: I've experienced life as a fat boy.  I've learned a lot from it and with all my struggles with weight, I wouldn't change a bit of that time.  Many of the lessons I've learned about life came from dealing with my weight journey.  Now I want to experience life with a smaller body, one with definition and added strength.  One that makes a larger part of the population stop and take a second or third appreciative look.  I want to feel better about how I think the world looks at me.

And there is nothing wrong with that being my motivation. Yes, I want to have a picture of my body reblogged endlessly on Tumblr.  Yes I want people in the club or at the beach to see my body before they get to know my heart and mind.  Of course I have been through enough to understand what criteria I use to pick the people I want to date, but there is nothing wrong with enjoying the appreciation that comes from others about how you look.

Now at the end of the day, none of us should be looking at the appreciation of others as the building block for our appreciation of ourselves.  Self-love and self-respect remain of primary importance.  We have to know our own worth, talents and abilities and appreciate ourselves despite our mistakes or perceived short-comings. We each have to be able to look in the mirror and love what we see reflected back to us.  We have to know that we were created 'good enough' and no situation or circumstance can take away our status before God as 'good enough.' We don't have to be thinner, thicker, taller, shorter, have a big house, forsake all worldly possessions in order for the Divine to accept us, love us and continually give us the desires of our heart.  We just have to recognize our innate worthiness and walk in pride no matter what our outer circumstances look like.  And when we have that knowledge imbedded deep within, every appreciative glance, every flirt, every pound loss by someone larger or pound gained by someone smaller, every piece of clothing that fits exactly like we want it to fit is that much sweeter as we experience it. 

There are a myriad of things to sift through in life.  Each and every situation and interaction, good or bad, inspires in us a desire for an experience that we believe will make us happier. And as we experience the things that make us happier, our belief in our worthiness is strengthened as we are faced with the next set of experiences to sift through to determine what we want next in life.

If you are struggling with weight,

1. know that the new body you want to be in is the same body that God wants to see you in - Why? Because God loves you enough to give you the desires of your heart. 
2. know that the body you have isn't what's holding you back, it's your thoughts about yourself and ultimately your body that's holding you back.  Appreciate yourself daily- you talents and gifts as well as the parts of your body you do love. Celebrate yourself and your successes
3. have fun with it. Remember your desire here is to be happier and more fulfilled, the change in body type is just a reflection of that. Do things that are fun and active. Join others doing similar things.  You will make new friends and strengthen friendships you already have and as your focus is on the fun more than the weight, the weight will fall off naturally.
4. appreciate those who appreciate you. As I've become more comfortable in my own skin I can now see the people around me who love me for who I am.  I don't have to change for them, but with me they celebrate my success and encourage me to follow the direction of my bliss/happiness.

These are just a few things I've picked up on my journey.  And I am going to continue to move in the direction of a smaller body type (though I'm always gonna be thick in the right places *wink*) And I'm going to love getting more and more cat calls, whistles, and dates as I move closer to my goal.

You Gotta Let It All Go

I went to see this very interesting play this past weekend called "Booty Candy."  First of all, if you ever get a chance to see this play, you owe it to yourself to check it out.  There was one scene in the play that stood out to me more than the others.  It was a scene about an un-commitment ceremony.  In the scene a lesbian couple was essentially getting a divorce. The scene was funny because the two women really hated each other and they were pledging to continue to hate each other for as long as they both shall live. But the scene brought up something very interesting for me: Do we really let go when we break up?

Relationships (straight/gay, romantic/platonic) connect us to people spiritually.  It's as if there is a cord that connects me to you and you to me and there is a transfer of energy that happens between the people in that relationship.  The closer we get to a person, the thicker the cord. And while we have ceremonial ways of initiating relationships like handshakes, hugs, exchanging gifts, making promises, exchanging rings and having sex; do we have ways of ceremonially disconnecting from people when they are no longer a part of our lives?

I think that it's important for us to ceremonially disconnect from people who are not in our lives anymore; past friends and lovers as well as one night stands.  For me, this process includes throwing away mementos, pictures and other reminders of what used to be. Also a visualization process where I see myself disconnecting these cords, releasing myself from these people and working through any disappointment that lingers because of the ending of these relationships.  Some people refer to these things as the emotional baggage we carry - some of it is attached to the physical representations of past relationships that we hold on to. As we let these things go, we are also letting these people go and we are opening ourselves up to the relationships that are more suited for who we are now to come into our lives.

What you are holding on to could be holding you back from the blessings that are lined up for you.  It's like you've chained yourself in place and you can't move freely into what God has for you next.  So I encourage you to break the chains by releasing the attachments you have with ex's and past friends. Sell jewelry, donate clothes, throw away letters/cards/pictures.  Even if they bring back good memories, holding on to that past is keeping you from a better future.

Letting go of these things also helps break patterns of attraction.  Do you find that you keep meeting similar types of people? Cut ties to those from your past who were like that and claim the new experience with the type of person you want to be involved with now.  And that's the second part, welcome the new experiences. Be excited that now that these old cords have been cut, new relationships are coming into your life.  Rejoice that now you know the people you meet will be more beneficial to you.

People come into your life for a reason.  They come to help you learn more about who you are and what you want out of life.  They are supposed to stay till that has been accomplished.  For folks who inspire growth in one another and both allow their lives to follow the path of that growth, it could be a long interaction with both parties growing to new levels and inspiring more growth in each other.  But when it's time for folks to leave, even that is inspiring growth but you can't experience that growth without being willing to let them go so you both can grow into the new people that are meant to come into your lives.

Go ahead and cry, mourn the ending of the relationships. Cry out the hurt and disappointment. Like rain clears pollen from the sky, tears clear the residue of these ended and ending relationships from your heart, waters the seeds of desire for new relationships, and is the catalyst for the growth of these new experiences. Letting go of the mementos from the past is like lifting anchor so that you can set sail in a new direction instead of going in circles.  See how quickly your life will shift.

Asking for your assistance

We have been taught that we have not, because we don't ask. We don't ask our families. We don't ask our friends. We don't even ask God. Even though it is promised that our asking, seeking and knocking shall be rewarded.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8.

We often think that our asking is a sign of weakness and dependence when we are taught to be strong and stand on our own. But do you realize that it is impossible to do much of anything completely on your own.

Think about it; to have a place to live, have a way to get around, get your job done, put clothes on your back, have food to eat – it all takes other people input and assistance. Our progress individually and corporately is all because of the progress of those who came before us, and it is those who are coming after us who will elevate our contributions to the next level.

We are created to be inter-dependent. There is something you have that will help me, and there is something I have that can help you. And this give and take/sharing of resources makes the world go around. We are like pieces of the puzzle of life. We are all necessary components to the whole of life. There is something you bring into the world that no one else can bring in the way you will bring it. God intended each of us to be here and for each of us to share our uniqueness with each other.

So I am going to surrender to the inter-dependent nature of our world as I look to move forward towards the life of my dream. I am going to ask you to contribute to my progress and to the achievement of my goals.

I’m just asking for $1, a prayer/wish for my success and that you’d pass this on as you feel led. That’s it. And what will that $1 go towards? Well let me tell you a bit about me.

My life has been a journey of learning to love myself, listen to my inner wisdom, live authentically & find and follow my passion/purpose. And I feel it is my purpose to help others do the same. I am a seeker of truth and constantly looking to grow and expand in my life. And I get so much joy helping others do the same. As a Transformational Life Coach, I have been able to help many people turn their lives and relationships around by teaching them the very things that I have learned – to love themselves, listen to their inner wisdom, live authentically and to find & follow their passion/purpose. But I’d love to do so much more and this is how your $1 will help.

I want to be free of my 9-5 to launch full time into a life of helping others transform their lives. Having the responsibilities of a day job make it difficult to have time to write, develop personal & spiritual development programming and have time to travel for speaking engagements. It also means there is little time for me to take part in things that will help me improve at my craft like personal & professional developments seminars, writing & speaking workshops and sabbaticals for meditation and further self discovery. Your $1, or more if you feel led, can help me do all these things and more!

Just $1 from you is helping me have the freedom to help others. Those who want to live shamelessly. Those who want to know how to stand in their power. Those who want to understand the fundamental laws of the universe and how to apply them. Those who want to know the reality of who they are as children of God and joint heirs with Christ. Those who want to rise above despair and powerlessness and create the life they’ve only dreamed of. And I know I can help them change their lives, because I have changed mine! You will be helping me have a broader reach and bigger impact. This is what I am here to do and I am depending on you to help me.

We are all in this together!

I want to thank you for even stopping by and reading this. Thank you for considering what I am asking, and if you decide not to give, I thank you for saying a prayer that I will be successful in my venture. Just your participation in this venture is a part of the puzzle of my experience. I appreciate you and send you love and wishes for a spectacular life.

And I encourage you to reach out to those in your life as well for assistance achieving your dreams. Whether you ask them for money, support, encouragement, or anything else, allow them to be the blessing to you that God intended them to be.

You will be amazed at the results!

So go to http://dulani.chipin.com/living-my-dream and contribute to my greatness as I help others achieve theirs.

I love you and thank you!

Get Into It and Get Your Life Episode 17 3/2/2011 - J Braggs and D Moore | Internet Radio | Blog Talk Radio

This Episode is about SEX. What does God think of Sex? What is the purpose of Sex? What is the difference between Sex and Intimacy? Why infidelity often ends relationships and destroys trust?

These were the questions we answered... take a listen and GET YOUR LIFE!

Get Into It and Get Your Life Episode 17 3/2/2011 - J Braggs and D Moore | Internet Radio | Blog Talk Radio

Hidden Treasures

Have you ever been walking down the street and see a store that doesn't look like much from the outside, and yet you are drawn in and are pleasantly surprised once in side because of all of the great finds you might otherwise have missed.

Have you ever been hungry and stopped in, what looked like, a run down building only to find some of the best tasting food you have ever eaten?

How often are we shocked because something looked, from the outside, unappealing and yet when we take the time to explore a little further we find that it was just what you had been looking for?

I had an interesting thought today.  I was looking at someone that I had absolutely no interest in when I met them.  Now that I have known them for a while, getting to know them and seeing so many things that I appreciate about them, I realized that if the situation allowed it I would try to date them.  It was an interesting observation about myself and about dating in general.

Sometimes we miss the treasure because we don't like the chest.

These days it seems we are more concerned with looks and social status when it comes to these personal relationships.  Not to mention familial and societal pressure to be in a relationship is so high that many feel like they have to be in a relationship - and the sooner the better.  Also there is a prevailing belief that this other someone makes us somehow better, or even whole.  With these things nagging in our minds we make secondary what is really important - who is this person really and do our desires for and beliefs about life make us compatible partners.  Its like we think that if the person is attractive and the sex is good, everything else will work out.  The problem is that there is a world of people who are just as (if not more) attractive that knows a few more sexual tricks AND as you start to see who a person really is, the lust fades and there is really nothing else left.

No one can make you better, they can only spark the desire in you to grow.  And God created us whole, so to think that anyone can complete us discredits the creator.

I am not saying that there is something wrong with having preferences.  We like what we like.  There is variety in the world and we all appreciate being able to sift through to find what we enjoy and know that there is something for every taste and every fetish.  There is a joy in finding someone that mirrors who we are and what we bring to the table.  I am saying that there is something deeper that has to be acknowledged.  A person is more than their bank account, their physique, their job, car, house, parentage.  What about their personality, their pet-peeves, their desires for life, their arrogance, how many children they want, whether or not they want to get married, are they looking love or a lay, etc.

Sometimes after we sort through all that a person brings with them the one we didn't give a chance, might just be the chance of a lifetime.

Stick To It

So I have been bombarded with messages lately. Messages for me of course, but I think we all know that there is probably at least one other person out there that could also benefit from what is revealed to us.

So I have been bombarded with messages lately. More and more it's coming to me that if I want to move forward into my dream life, it's time to act - and act decisively. It's time to face the fears, push though the blockages and to tell mountains to move out of my way. It's time for me to get out of my own way.

Here is what I have been getting (Perhaps this is confirmation for you)

1. Have a Clear Vision & Write it down - go to any seminar or read any book on goals or creating the life you desire and the first (or second, but probably the first) point that they will make is that you need to have a CLEAR UNDERSTANDING of what you want to accomplish/the life you want to have. We (I) have to write down, clearly, what it is I want to have, do and be in this life. Not doing this keeps you circling in that wilderness, like the Israelites did for - what was it - 40 years! They doubted the promise of the land flowing with milk and honey. And, honestly, each day we (I) don't work on writing down that plan, we are also saying "NOPE. I don't believe that I can really have it." And guess what, we never get it.

2. Stay focused on your vision - ok so you have something written down... it does little good if it is in a notebook that ends up in a file cabinet (or the trash). Reaching our goals requires us to spend time focusing on those goals every day. Taking time to visualize having reached those goals and what life will be like at that point, even thinking about what are the next goals now that you have reached this set. Placing ATTENTION on our vision with the INTENTION of making it happen with the BELIEF that it's going to happen is the most powerful way to make things happens.

3. Take Action - There is something we can do, almost everyday, that will keep us steadily moving toward our goals. We have to take action and do those things. We have see the vision clear enough that we know the steps to achieving those goals - or we know who to talk to in order to find out the steps. Jack Canfield (best know for Chicken Soup for the Soul) says in his book 'The Success Principles' "If you are clear on where you are going and you take several steps in that direction every day, you will eventually get there." And S. N. Goenka echoes that when he says "Work diligently. Diligently. Work patiently and persistently. Patiently and persistently. And you are BOUND to be successful. Bound to be successful."

4. Be Committed - The most powerful quotes I have come across so far is this, "There is a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results." (Ken Blanchard) WOW! We have to be 100% committed to fulfilling our dreams. 100% committed to living our best lives. We have to make the step necessary to achieve these goals nonnegotiable. The things we want to accomplish have to be so important to us, laced with so much burning desire, that we stop accepting our own excuses and DO what we know we need to do consistently until we reach that goal.

These 4 things are swirling around in my head and heart. I know it's time for me to take them seriously and start doing what is necessary for me to live the life of my dreams. And that is the best gift I could ever give myself.

A Thought for Today

How much time do you spend on Facebook? Checking Email? Watching TV? Playing Video Games? Following other peoples Tweets?....

How much time do you spend focusing on your personal development? Reading wisdom? Working towards your goals? Learning something new?

If you are not making the progress you would like in your life and seeing the changes you would like to see, perhaps there is an imbalance in how you are spending your time. You need time to both relax and have fun and time to work on yourself and towards your goals. Too much work, you burn out - too much play you don't grow.

Make time for both and you will find harmony in your life

You betta Wake up and Pay Attention

I had a group of guys over just for conversation recently. As it usually does, the topic of relationships came up. Specifically the idea that monogamy is impossible for men. Basically the understanding that I hear more and more people coming to is "Men are predisposed to cheating."

Now I wholeheartedly disagree with this sentiment. I disagree because I haven't cheated on someone I had decided to enter into a monogamous relationship with. Now I will say that is not to say that I wasn't tempted, I was tempted a lot. But I decided that I wanted to hold fast to my commitment to this person so I didn't go through with it.

But it did make me think about something. There is ALOT of visual stimulation out there. There are attractive men and women every where. No matter where you go or what you are doing - unless you are sequestered away - you are going to pass by someone you find attractive. You may even find them more attractive than the person you may be dating or married to. But does that mean that you have to sleep with every person you have a sexual attraction to (that is supposing of course that they are also attracted to you) ?? Of course the answer to that is no. But the constant barrage of attractiveness sure does make it hard [pun intended ;-) ] .

It lead me to realize something - how hard it has become for us to focus our attention. In our fast paced world, before we can get too far with one thing, something that looks or feels better comes our way. Opportunities abound and there is always something to take our attention from where we may decide for it to be.

Take me for example. I started this Philosopher's Challenge with www.philosophersnotes.com. All I have to do is read and contemplate one 6-page synopsis of the major points of a different personal, financial or spiritual development book each day for 100 days. Actually let's be clear that it's 100 weekdays, no new information comes out on the weekend. For added interaction and revelation I could also add my thoughts to a message board about the days reading or at least just read what others thought and learned about the readings.

At this moment I am 5 days behind. (HAAHAA)

Mind you, I did say that there were no readings assigned for the weekends. So here I am a full week behind schedule on something I committed to for my own personal growth. I could have knocked out these 30 pages over the weekend with no problem. Or, hell, I sit at my desk with nothing to really do for probably a good 40-50 percent of my day (might be more but just in case a coworker reads this...lol). But at the end of the day, what have I done....

Well in a day I have probably...

• Clicked on the Facebook icon about 200 times to refresh and see if any friends updated statuses.
• Clicked through friends of friends to see who knows who and if I know any of them (or if they are cute...lets be real...lol)
• refreshed my gmail page about 50 times to see if new emails came in (not like it doesn't refresh itself and shows how many new messages in the browser header)
• Played games on my iPhone
• Taken a 20 minute nap

I am sure I could have listed more things that I gave my attention to instead of the things I could be doing to improve my life, but it's depressing me...LOL And when we take the time to focus on how much time we waste, we waste time focusing on feeling bad because of the time we wasted.

So I think even with the idea of cheating, we are not using our God given ability to focus our attention on this person who brings joy into our lives. We aren't paying attention to that person or to what it takes to keep the romance of the relationship alive. We are paying attention to our fears of being hurt and abandoned, fears of being bored, fears of missing out on "better sex", or having a "better person." In our fear of missing out on something, we may be missing out on the greatest blessing to come into our lives.

As Lauren Hill sang in Sister Act 2, "If you wanna be somebody, if you wanna go somewhere, you betta wake up and pay attention!"

Focus on who and what you have right now. By allowing your attention to waver, you are missing all of the blessings that this person who is available to you right now has to bring into your life. Focusing your attention into this person and basking in the joy that you feel when you are with them are the best things you can do for one another.

We will build better relationships and all around better lives when we can harness the power of focusing our attention on what we want and ignoring distractions. As a matter of fact, I am going to grab some lunch and focus on the person I have been blessed with and see what new ways I can come up with to let them know I care. Hmmmmmmm....

Letting People Be

This has been a theme for me over the past few months and a theme for people I am close to as well.

It can be hard to let people be who they are. We sometimes do know a better way, a better option but others don't see it or just don't want to make the shift to incorporate it in their lives. They just won't do it. And it really is their choice. They have the same free will we have and the ability to pick and choose their actions and in-actions as they so please.

We get frustrated because we also have made a choice that we don't want to give in on. The way we want things to be done may seem like commonsense to us - it may seem like commonsense to many, but this one person just won't do it that way. In that moment, we want to take away their ability to choose for themselves. We why they just won't do what we say. We feel that everything would just be better if they would do things the way we have told them.

Our arrogance is the source of our frustration. You can only get stuck between a rock and a hard place when you ARE a rock and a hard place. It's our stubbornness that has us facing off with folks mentally and complaining about their choices - especially when there choices effect us.

So what do we do? How to we handle the situation? Peace comes in understanding that this person has the right and privilege (and free-will) to make a decision - even one I don't agree with. Peace comes in letting this person experience the consequences of their choice for themselves. Peace comes in being flexible, malleable. Peace comes from working within or around the choices of the person(s) you are dealing with. Peace comes in understanding that the only person any of use can control or change is ourselves.

Look at water in a river, it is constantly moving toward it's destination. It flows through, around and above anything in it's way - and even if you were to create a dam, it would rise above it or the pressure would build until the dam breaks (that's why some water has to be let through a dam so there is no overflow and so the dam won't break due to the build up of water pressure). Water opposes nothing, it literally goes with the flow.

Take a lesson from water and go with the flow. You don't want to be frustrated by other people, don't expect them to do or be anything but who they have shown you they are. If you don't like it, choose not to deal with that person. If you are in a situation where you have to deal with a person, rise above their negativity and instead of looking for ways to counter their opposition, look for opportunities to work with this person. When negative energy isn't returned, it diffuses and when it does you will find people so much easier to work with. But by this time you will also know ways to work with or around this person to accomplish the same goals.

Bottom line - you hate it when someone tells you what to do or tries to force their way on you. Generally that behavior makes you want to dig in your heels more. Just don't do to others what you DON'T want to be done to you. Respect their choices and their right to make those choices and find a way, with or without that person to reach whatever end you have in mind.

"When you express your beliefs openly and gently, others will sense your respect for their beliefs, even though they may differ from your own, and be more apt to listen to your thoughts and feelings." (DailyOM.com) And they may even do things your way if they don't feel you are trying to force them into it.

The Old Must Pass Away

For something new to be built, the old building must be removed and destroyed to make space for the new one. Even if the old building is just going through renovations, there is a time of demolition before the new space can be worked on. The new doesn't just magically appear in place of the old. It moves from demolition to construction. And this "work" time is usually uncomfortable and filled with unexpected challenges that are a part of the preparation of the new thing that is being constructed. It works the same in our lives.

We experience something. We don't like it and we formulate in our minds and hearts what we would prefer to experience. We revel in the beauty of the new thing we are experiencing in our minds. But the first step in the process of the creation of this new experience is the removal of the past, of the person we were, so that we can experience the person we want to be - the person who can accept and appreciate the newness and blessing coming into our lives. But this is where we can get stuck.

Misery can become comfortable. It's what we know and what we expect. It is easy to sit quietly in it. Why? Because we fear the work necessary and the unexpectedness of moving from misery to joy. So we make our misery everyone else's fault. We say, if the people in my life change, then my life will be better. We may think that if we change the people and circumstances in our lives, our lives will be better. And while there is some truth to that, if we don't change the person we are, we will continue to experience the same stuff with different faces in different places.

We must let the old us - the old thought patterns that created the life we are experiencing - pass away in order for a new thought pattern, a new attraction point, a new us to be created.

Yet this is where we get stuck. The process of demolishing the old thought pattern and embracing a new one is challenging. The idea of facing our fears is daunting. And the thought of walking through that valley of the shadow of death can be so overwhelming that we turn around and stay the same person who accepts the misery that we expect in our lives.

But the shadow of death isn't the reality of it. It has no substance. The fears you face, when you stand and look them in the eye are not real, they have no power and as you WALK THROUGH the valley and realize that there are only shadows and that the power of God is with you and in you. You see that this power is greater than your fear and you see that it is your choice to believe in the power of this fear or believe in the power of God to bring you through.

Facing these fears and knowing you don't have to believe them anymore tears down the old you. This process creates the space for you to install new beliefs about yourself and your possibilities and you will find new blessings and new mercies as you see the image of the life you want to experience being manifested for you.

As scary as it can seem, the people, places and things of your old life - manifestations of your old though processes - can and must be let go of to make room for the newness of life you desire to experience. Trying to make a new life with old materials will only leave in the same misery you have been experiencing. As Jesus said, you can't put new wine into old wine skins. The old skins will break and be worthless. Be the new person who experiences these new things.

Write a list, or a story, of the life you want to experience. Make it as detailed as you possibly can. Write it in present tense. Now think about who you are now and your beliefs about what you want to experience. Now write a another list, another story, of the person you have to be in order to experience this new thing, complete with all the new beliefs and even personality traits necessary. When you feel hesitation about the possibilities of what you have written, explore it. Ask yourself why can't you have the life you want. You will discover that you (or the beliefs you accepted from your parent, teachers, preachers, etc.) created the boundaries that keep you trapped in the cycles of life you are experiencing and you will know that YOU HAVE THE POWER to remove those boundaries and experience more and better than you have known to this point.

Embrace the process of removing the debris from your life. Removal of the people, places and even things that you hold on to that keep you from standing in your power and living the greatness you are. While it will create an empty space, this is the space that you can begin to fill with the newness of you - and the newness of you will attract new people, places and things that look like the list/story you have written for your life.

I am experiencing this right now.

You are experiencing exactly what you want to experience

Some of you might look at the title of this blog and think "NO the hell I am not where I want to be." And that is only expected. Why? Because we don't have the cars we want, the relationships we want, the house, the job, the money, etc. We are experiencing emotional and physical pains. We are getting older and we are overweight. There is a whole host of things that seem so wrong with this moment right here that we can't help but think, "There has got to be more than this!"

And there is... but before we get to that, lets think on the title of this blog for a bit. You are right were you want to be, experiencing exactly what you want to be experiencing. In this moment, you are experiencing the very emotions you want to experience. HMMMMMM

Now the thought is, WHY would I want to experience this??? And that I can't answer for you. But the question I would ask you is if you don't want to experience it, why are you spending so much time thinking about it?

Our thoughts drive our lives. And the thoughts we think stimulate emotions within us. So if we spend more time thinking about the things that are stimulating emotions we "don't want to feel" - what are we going to feel???? You got it - BAD!!! And honestly, we are gonna keep experiencing the same thing until we get tired of it. So if you are thinking about the negative things happening in your life and how bad you feel about them, more negative things will show up so you can keep feeling bad. Seems counter productive but we do it to ourselves.

So yes, something as simple as a change of mind can change our experiences in life. Right now there is something happening in your life that you get joy from thinking about. Close your eyes and dwell on it for a few moments. How did that feel in your body? Did you experience warm fuzzy feelings? Did you find yourself smiling just a bit? Did something else pop into your mind that was joyful? With that memory and that feeling lingering, how do you feel now? Better??? (until you start thinking about what's going wrong again... stop that!)

Free will is the ability to experience whatever you want to experience in thought and emotion. Material expression/manifestation is the physical counterpart to extend that experience. God's gift is free will, freedom of expression and God will not limit our ability to have the types of experiences we want to have. So if what is showing up in your life are things that cause you to feel sorrow or pain, find out what's going on in your mind. Chances are your thoughts are focused on the sorrow and pain and inadvertently continuing to manifest situations that perpetuate those feelings.

So how do you change the cycle? Change what you spend your time thinking about. Think about the good that is in your life. Remind yourself of the blessings. Spend time with people that make you feel good. Do things for yourself that bring you joy. Pay attention to your mood, when it sinks into a negative space pay attention to what you are thinking in that moment and change it.

You really are in control of how you feel from moment to moment by the power of the thoughts that you hold in your mind. The thoughts that you hold in your mind will manifest as situations to perpetuate more of those feelings - whatever they are. And nothing can or will change your experience except you.

Own that power and transform your life.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Viktor Frankl from 'A Man's Search for Meaning'

Life: Abundantly

Life: Abundantly

“Most of you are much closer to a financial fortune [better body, romantic partnership, car, house, prosperous business, etc.] than you are even allowing yourself to purely desire, because, in the thought that it might come, you right away begin thinking of how disappointed you will be if it does not come. And so, in your lackful thought, you do not allow yourself to desire or to expect anything magnificent in terms of money; and that is the reason why, for the most part, you are living rather mediocre financial experiences.” ~ Esther and Jerry Hicks from Money, and the Law of Attraction

I remember having a daydream when I was in my early twenties. In this vision, God stood before me with a gift. It was a miraculous gift, because it was from God. It was just what I needed and wanted and perhaps was just the first of many. As God stood there holding this gift before me, I stood there with my arms at my side. Here it was, all I needed and wanted to have was right in front of my face. Then the thought ran through my mind “You just have to reach out and take it.”

Why, even in the vision, didn’t I reach out at that moment and take what was being freely given to me? I think the answer is both multifaceted and universal – I was afraid. What would be required of me if I accepted it? Was the gift really even for me? What if this wasn’t what I thought it would be? What if I couldn’t handle the gift or the responsibility I thought came with it? So instead of opening myself wholeheartedly to accepting this gift, like a child diving face first into the pile of gifts under the Christmas tree, I second guessed myself and God.

I think it’s clear; we experience mediocrity because we believe in our mediocrity. We don’t allow ourselves to believe that the abundance of the Universe is our birthright. And who are we to deny God the pleasure of pleasing us? Why do we feel undeserving of gifts freely given by our creator who loves us unconditionally? Why do we even feel bad for wanting to be extravagantly blessed?

The Prayer of Jabez tells the story of a man that goes to heaven. During a tour of heaven, the angel reluctantly shows him a building that holds mounds of gifts. When he requested it, the angel takes him to the gifts meant for him. The angel, in the end, tells him that these are all the gifts God had prepared for his children that we didn’t receive during our lifetime.

Have you ever had a person refuse a gift you were giving? What excuses did they give? That they didn’t deserve it? That it was too much? That they were too embarrassed? They didn’t know if they could take care of it? They don’t have faith in their own worth and worthiness to receive the gifts you give in love. And these are the same excuses we give for not receiving the blessings that God has prepared for us.

James 4 talks about the faith of Abraham. Abraham’s faith was counted unto him as righteousness. The fact that Abraham believed God’s promise to make him the Father of many nations, even in his old age he kept to that faith and not only was the promise fulfilled, he was right with God because of his faith.

So if we understand that God is capable of doing far more abundantly than we can think or ask and that God WANTS to do far more for us than we can think or ask, unbounded belief in and acceptance of these gifts, in whatever form they take, is counted as righteousness unto us as well.

So it is actually RIGHTEOUSNESS, not selfishness, to believe that we are BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE and to have the FAITH to accept that all the promises of God are Yea and AMEN!

What have you been promised? Release the full capability of your faith. Set aside your doubts and fears and open yourself to the unlimited resources of the universe there for your benefit and wellbeing. Take the steps of faith that are necessary for your to “reach out” and grab the gifts awaiting you from God – start writing that book, designing those clothes, singing those songs, etc. – and you will begin to learn what it means to be prosperous and blessed.

When Grandma Died

When I was born, my Grandmother told my mother she would live to see be graduate. She almost did.

Even though she was really my aunt, I called her Grandma. She basically raised my mother and took care of me as a baby. I was always close to her and never thought it was strange that I had two grandmothers on one side of my family. I didn’t find out the reality of our relation until I was older, but it never made a difference to me.

It was scary for me when she got older. I never thought about life without her in it. I really got nervous when she was moved into a nursing home because she couldn’t live on her own and started forgetting things and people. But there was something about our bond. So special that she never forgot my name or who I was dispite the Alzheimers. So special that each time I left from a visit with her, there was a knowledge that I would see her again. Even with her going back and forth to the hospital, I knew I would see her again. Until my senior year in high school.

Grandma was back in the hospital, not unlike times past. But there was something different. The moment I walked into that hospital room that night in January 1990 it hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew this would be the last time I would see her alive.

She laid there in that bed with her eyes closed. I don’t know what she knew or didn’t know about who was there to see her. But as my mother and step-father stood beside her bed talking to her, I sat in the corner of the room in stunned silence. I hadn’t experienced a sorrow in my life as deep as that. I didn’t want to believe or accept the finality I knew in those moments. This was my special lady.

It wasn’t until the room was clear that I felt as if I could go to her side. I took her hand and cried like I never had before. I don’t know how long I stood there before I could finally speak to her and tell he how much I loved her. And somehow, by the grace of God, when I could let her hand go I was able to let her go. I knew she would be ok. I don’t know how long it was before the tears stopped that night. But once they were dry, I didn’t cry again - until this moment 19 years later as I think back on that night.

While she didn’t physically see me graduate, I know she was there. I know she’s been cheering me on and watching out for me just like she always did. And I still have po-ke-no, Connect Four, I D-clare War, Dueces, afternoons watching “the stories,” telling her to wake up and her telling we she was just resting her eyes - I have those memories and I know that means I will always have her in my heart.

I do miss her still.

Develop High Energy Habits

A friend and I had a conversation about how much time we waste doing things that are not moving us in the direction of our goals. I, for one, am a Facebook Addict. There I said it. I will log-in in the morning and stay connected all day long. I refresh the page to see if any of my friends have said something I just have to read and know and I play the games and send virtual gifts to my friends all day long. Now while I do get work done, I tend to piddle away any down time I have on Facebook. Then later in the day I feel bad because I didn’t accomplish anything with my day. At night and on the weekends it’s television (while being logged into Facebook). I will spend hours watching TV, even when there is nothing on I want to see. I spend relatively little time focused on the things that will help me create the life I desire to have.

Not to say that there is anything wrong with Facebook or watching TV or whatever it is that keeps us from following our path consistently, we all need to take downtime and just relax and enjoy ourselves. But when our lives become overrun with these things and we feel discontented with the progress we are making in our lives and careers, we need to pause and take notice.
These are low energy habits. These things keep us from the high energy, productive and creative lives we long to live. If you follow the lives of highly successful people, most of their time is spent in the pursuit of their goals and less on time and energy draining distractions. These people have not only keyed in on what they want to accomplish in their lives, they are taking the inspired steps to make those things a reality. And that is the main difference between them and the rest of us.

The difference between high energy and low energy activities is how you feel afterwards. When you complete a high energy activity, while you may be tired physically depending on the level of exertion, you feel the joy of having accomplished something. You feel renewed and more alive. The knowledge that you have made another step towards your goals makes you more enthusiastic and you become a beacon of light to those around you. Low energy activities keep you feeling dissatisfied with your life, you become more lethargic and experience boredom. You can become increasingly depressed because your life seems to be at a standstill, you aren’t accomplishing anything worthwhile or making an impact on the community around you.
And what we all long for inside it to make an impact and an imprint on the minds and hearts of those around us. But as we spend countless hours each week engaged in activities that only serve to temporarily entertain us, we miss out on opportunities to burst through the self-imposed ceiling of success we think restrains us.

But I think I have to ask myself: What do I get out of pursuing low energy activities?

We don’t do anything that we don’t get something out of. Even if what we get is a “confirmation” of our own lack of self-worth, self-esteem or sense of deserving. Perhaps we are afraid that our success will put us out of touch with our friends or family. Maybe we believe that there is a limit to how much we can achieve and these activities hold us below that limit. Maybe our preconceived notions about successful people are negative and by not being as successful we think we are somehow better than them. Whatever the underlying motivation, there is something that has us delaying our success instead of tackling it full force. And most of these underlying beliefs are necessary or true to our lives at this point. When we ask this question, we empower ourselves to choose more productive, high energy activities that make us feel so much better about ourselves.

That’s how I came up with this blog. I made a decision that I was going to log off of Facebook and read some articles in Psychology Today Magazine. I finished reading an article and felt so much better about the way I had spent those 15 minutes. While I thought about how good that felt, I knew I needed to write about that good feeling. These words are a product of that introspection. And you know what, I feel even better having written this and can’t wait to see how I will be inspired to spend my time this afternoon.

So I encourage you to log off that website, put down that controller, turn off that TV and start by doing one thing that moves you towards your goal. Like the Lays potato chip slogan, I bet you can’t do just one.

Some tips for engaging more consistently in high energy activities:

1. Have a specific goal (or set of goals) in mind. Know what it is you want to accomplish. Think of what it will look like when the goal is accomplished. To get someplace, you have to know where you are going.
2. Write down your goals and have copies in places where you can look at them frequently. These will be reminders to you of what you want to accomplish. This will help you keep focused.
3. Notice when you are engaged in a low energy activity and choose to get back to achieving your goals. Many of us habitually engage in low energy activities and we start doing them by default, as if on autopilot. SNAP OUT OF IT. Post your goal reminders near the things that have become used for low energy activities; on the computer, TV, game system or refrigerator.
4. Get an accountability buddy. Have someone in your life (a friend, a life coach, a counselor) who will remind you of those things you want to accomplish and hold you to them.
5. Join/create a Mastermind group. You will not only inspire each other with your passion for what you want to accomplish, you will also have accountability buddies and another source of inspired ideas that could help get you moving in the right direction.
6. When you get an inspired idea, start working on it. When we start looking at what we want to accomplish we can ask ourselves “What is something I can do right now to move me in the direction of my goal?” When the ideas come, we have to get cracking.
   

The more you engage in high energy activities, the more this will become habitual in your life. Then you won’t be able to help achieving your dreams and desires and you will create a sense of success and prosperity in your life that will draw the physical manifestations of those feelings into your experience.

Click Next

Some of us may be old enough to remember playing a scratched record. Others have to refer to a scratched CD or DVD. What happens is still the same, when the needle (or laser) hit's the scratch, it jumps back to some previous point and replays the same music (or scene) over and over again. Some DVD and CD's just stop playing at all right at that point.

We actually do the same thing in life. As children we go along just fine. We play, experiment with and experience life until something traumatic happens to us. Maybe a parent always called us stupid, or we got whipped for things we didn't do or maybe never got picked for sports or were picked on by older siblings or bullies. Maybe we were physically, emotionally or sexually abused. Whatever the event (or sequence of events) they scratch our life. And that scratch makes us play an event over and over in our minds until it created a pattern in our lives.

Many of the patterns we experience in life are replays of an earlier trama that we experienced but had no control over. Later in life, we subconsciously recreate the events with a different cast of characters. Once we understand our creative power in life, we can press stop on that old story and create a new life.

We are the creative force behind our lives, but we forget this spiritual truth as we learn to play the victim and blame others for our disappointments. And while we didn't ask for the initial event, the replication of that event in our lives is something we can do something about. And it starts with taking responsibility; not for the initial events but for our role in replaying them now that we have a better understanding of who we are and the power God has gifted us with.

Taking responsibility is like finally waking up to the unconscious patterns we have allowed to replay in our lives and consciously learning to make a change. It allows us to see that what we fear isn't real anymore. It has already happened and doesn't have to continue if we are dedicated to writing a new chapter in our lives. Now we can pay attention to the decisions we make that lead us down the same path and the people we draw to us to play the perpetrators in our drama. Now we can say NO to playing the role of victim and take our rightful place as VICTORIOUS creations of God.

We can move the needle to the next song, forward to the next scene or change the music or movie entirely. It's our choice and being responsible for the choices you make now will open the door to abundance, happiness and success that you never thought possible.

So what will you do, continue replaying the drama or move powerfully forward. The choice is yours.

May the Face of Death Teach us to Live

This week has been burdened by death. For those in the DC area, we have lost 9 souls in a devastating subway train crash. In the midst of that, the nation mourned the loss of Ed McMahon. Yesterday afternoon, we were greeted with news of the passing of Farrah Faucett. And as I ended my work day yesterday evening, Michael Jackson suddenly bid us farewell.

In the wake of these terrible incidents, the news was flooded with stories of the lives these people lived. Stories about dreams they chased, goals they accomplished and lives they touched. And I started thinking about life, my life. What legacy did I want to leave behind? What did I hope people remembered most about me? What did I want to have accomplished when my time to pass on came?

And most importantly to me - What am I doing now to make these things reality?

Despite the troubles any of these people faced, or any negativity they were apart of, they made an attempt to truly live - To discover and express their passion and purpose in life while they were with us. In music, activism, acting, hosting, serving our country in war, doing hair or even fulfilling a goal of driving a subway train, they made their own indelible mark on the world or at least their small portion of it. And even those who were "taken away too soon," we will never forget how they touched us with their compassion, creativity, hope, joy and love.

And even in death, they teach us how to live. They show us to live each day like it's our last, achieve our hearts desires, leave no word unsaid and no deed undone, let go of any grudges and express our love and appreciation for those we care about while we have the opportunity. They teach us to live without regrets and to excel in spite of our fear to be the best we can be.

Then when we reach that final day, whether expected or unexpected, it will all be well with our souls.

Don't hold back your passion, purpose or promise. You are here to leave a mark on this world in your own unique way. Release your maximum potential, changing your life and showing those around you how brightly they too can shine if they just expose the light of their gifts, the light of their spirit. Then we are sure to hear these words in our souls, "Well done my good and faithful servant."

Ade And Melissa - SYTYCD

Ade surely has a ... um "following" just look BEHIND him....lol


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Story of a African King and His Friend

A story is told about a King in Africa who had a close friend that he
grew up with. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation
that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) by
remarking, "This is good, God knows best"

One day the King and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The
friend would load and prepare the guns for the King. The friend had
apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for
after taking the gun from his friend, the King fired it and his thumb
was blown off.

Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!
God knows best."

To which the King replied, "No, this is NOT good!" and ordered his
soldiers to put his friend into jail.

About a year later, the King was hunting in an area that he should
have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured the King and took him
to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a
stake and bound him to the stake.

As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the King
was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone who
was less than whole. So after untying the King, they chased him out
of the village.

When the King reached his Palace, he was reminded of the event that
had taken his thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend.
He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend.

"You were right" the King said, "It was good that my thumb was blown
off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just
happened. "I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It
was bad for me to do this."

"No," his friend replied, "this is good…God knows best"

"What do you mean, `this is good'! How could it be good that I sent
my friend to jail for a year?"

The King's friend replied: "Remember that the Almighty knows best and
if I had NOT been in jail, I would have been with you on that hunting
trip."

........

Do Not Judge Things or Events by their immediate Outcome!

Taking Responsibility

Life can be a bitch.

Not because it's really all that hard, but because most of us are never taught how to deal with and change the circumstances in our lives. We blame and become the victim of people and circumstances and most of us, if we really step back and take a look at the over all themes of our lives, go though the same things over and over again just with different people.

I am at that place where I am forced to look at the themes I have been dealing with and the feelings these situations triggered in me. One big one is Love. As much as I tell folks, as a life coach, to recognize that love comes from within first and radiates outward, I look for love outside myself to make me feel wanted and appreciated. Having never been taught otherwise, I know in my head the correct way to handle things but my heart is trained to habitually do things the wrong way.

So today's lesson is to take responsibility for loving me first. But to do that I have to take a good look at the anger, sadness and resentment inside me because I looked to others to love me for me. I have to face what I feel about myself and towards myself. And I have to take back the power I have given away to do the best I can for me and treat myself with the utmost respect and care.

My heart has always been my own responsibility and now I relish the idea of cherishing it and sharing it.