You Gotta Let It All Go

I went to see this very interesting play this past weekend called "Booty Candy."  First of all, if you ever get a chance to see this play, you owe it to yourself to check it out.  There was one scene in the play that stood out to me more than the others.  It was a scene about an un-commitment ceremony.  In the scene a lesbian couple was essentially getting a divorce. The scene was funny because the two women really hated each other and they were pledging to continue to hate each other for as long as they both shall live. But the scene brought up something very interesting for me: Do we really let go when we break up?

Relationships (straight/gay, romantic/platonic) connect us to people spiritually.  It's as if there is a cord that connects me to you and you to me and there is a transfer of energy that happens between the people in that relationship.  The closer we get to a person, the thicker the cord. And while we have ceremonial ways of initiating relationships like handshakes, hugs, exchanging gifts, making promises, exchanging rings and having sex; do we have ways of ceremonially disconnecting from people when they are no longer a part of our lives?

I think that it's important for us to ceremonially disconnect from people who are not in our lives anymore; past friends and lovers as well as one night stands.  For me, this process includes throwing away mementos, pictures and other reminders of what used to be. Also a visualization process where I see myself disconnecting these cords, releasing myself from these people and working through any disappointment that lingers because of the ending of these relationships.  Some people refer to these things as the emotional baggage we carry - some of it is attached to the physical representations of past relationships that we hold on to. As we let these things go, we are also letting these people go and we are opening ourselves up to the relationships that are more suited for who we are now to come into our lives.

What you are holding on to could be holding you back from the blessings that are lined up for you.  It's like you've chained yourself in place and you can't move freely into what God has for you next.  So I encourage you to break the chains by releasing the attachments you have with ex's and past friends. Sell jewelry, donate clothes, throw away letters/cards/pictures.  Even if they bring back good memories, holding on to that past is keeping you from a better future.

Letting go of these things also helps break patterns of attraction.  Do you find that you keep meeting similar types of people? Cut ties to those from your past who were like that and claim the new experience with the type of person you want to be involved with now.  And that's the second part, welcome the new experiences. Be excited that now that these old cords have been cut, new relationships are coming into your life.  Rejoice that now you know the people you meet will be more beneficial to you.

People come into your life for a reason.  They come to help you learn more about who you are and what you want out of life.  They are supposed to stay till that has been accomplished.  For folks who inspire growth in one another and both allow their lives to follow the path of that growth, it could be a long interaction with both parties growing to new levels and inspiring more growth in each other.  But when it's time for folks to leave, even that is inspiring growth but you can't experience that growth without being willing to let them go so you both can grow into the new people that are meant to come into your lives.

Go ahead and cry, mourn the ending of the relationships. Cry out the hurt and disappointment. Like rain clears pollen from the sky, tears clear the residue of these ended and ending relationships from your heart, waters the seeds of desire for new relationships, and is the catalyst for the growth of these new experiences. Letting go of the mementos from the past is like lifting anchor so that you can set sail in a new direction instead of going in circles.  See how quickly your life will shift.

Asking for your assistance

We have been taught that we have not, because we don't ask. We don't ask our families. We don't ask our friends. We don't even ask God. Even though it is promised that our asking, seeking and knocking shall be rewarded.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8.

We often think that our asking is a sign of weakness and dependence when we are taught to be strong and stand on our own. But do you realize that it is impossible to do much of anything completely on your own.

Think about it; to have a place to live, have a way to get around, get your job done, put clothes on your back, have food to eat – it all takes other people input and assistance. Our progress individually and corporately is all because of the progress of those who came before us, and it is those who are coming after us who will elevate our contributions to the next level.

We are created to be inter-dependent. There is something you have that will help me, and there is something I have that can help you. And this give and take/sharing of resources makes the world go around. We are like pieces of the puzzle of life. We are all necessary components to the whole of life. There is something you bring into the world that no one else can bring in the way you will bring it. God intended each of us to be here and for each of us to share our uniqueness with each other.

So I am going to surrender to the inter-dependent nature of our world as I look to move forward towards the life of my dream. I am going to ask you to contribute to my progress and to the achievement of my goals.

I’m just asking for $1, a prayer/wish for my success and that you’d pass this on as you feel led. That’s it. And what will that $1 go towards? Well let me tell you a bit about me.

My life has been a journey of learning to love myself, listen to my inner wisdom, live authentically & find and follow my passion/purpose. And I feel it is my purpose to help others do the same. I am a seeker of truth and constantly looking to grow and expand in my life. And I get so much joy helping others do the same. As a Transformational Life Coach, I have been able to help many people turn their lives and relationships around by teaching them the very things that I have learned – to love themselves, listen to their inner wisdom, live authentically and to find & follow their passion/purpose. But I’d love to do so much more and this is how your $1 will help.

I want to be free of my 9-5 to launch full time into a life of helping others transform their lives. Having the responsibilities of a day job make it difficult to have time to write, develop personal & spiritual development programming and have time to travel for speaking engagements. It also means there is little time for me to take part in things that will help me improve at my craft like personal & professional developments seminars, writing & speaking workshops and sabbaticals for meditation and further self discovery. Your $1, or more if you feel led, can help me do all these things and more!

Just $1 from you is helping me have the freedom to help others. Those who want to live shamelessly. Those who want to know how to stand in their power. Those who want to understand the fundamental laws of the universe and how to apply them. Those who want to know the reality of who they are as children of God and joint heirs with Christ. Those who want to rise above despair and powerlessness and create the life they’ve only dreamed of. And I know I can help them change their lives, because I have changed mine! You will be helping me have a broader reach and bigger impact. This is what I am here to do and I am depending on you to help me.

We are all in this together!

I want to thank you for even stopping by and reading this. Thank you for considering what I am asking, and if you decide not to give, I thank you for saying a prayer that I will be successful in my venture. Just your participation in this venture is a part of the puzzle of my experience. I appreciate you and send you love and wishes for a spectacular life.

And I encourage you to reach out to those in your life as well for assistance achieving your dreams. Whether you ask them for money, support, encouragement, or anything else, allow them to be the blessing to you that God intended them to be.

You will be amazed at the results!

So go to http://dulani.chipin.com/living-my-dream and contribute to my greatness as I help others achieve theirs.

I love you and thank you!

Get Into It and Get Your Life Episode 17 3/2/2011 - J Braggs and D Moore | Internet Radio | Blog Talk Radio

This Episode is about SEX. What does God think of Sex? What is the purpose of Sex? What is the difference between Sex and Intimacy? Why infidelity often ends relationships and destroys trust?

These were the questions we answered... take a listen and GET YOUR LIFE!

Get Into It and Get Your Life Episode 17 3/2/2011 - J Braggs and D Moore | Internet Radio | Blog Talk Radio

Hidden Treasures

Have you ever been walking down the street and see a store that doesn't look like much from the outside, and yet you are drawn in and are pleasantly surprised once in side because of all of the great finds you might otherwise have missed.

Have you ever been hungry and stopped in, what looked like, a run down building only to find some of the best tasting food you have ever eaten?

How often are we shocked because something looked, from the outside, unappealing and yet when we take the time to explore a little further we find that it was just what you had been looking for?

I had an interesting thought today.  I was looking at someone that I had absolutely no interest in when I met them.  Now that I have known them for a while, getting to know them and seeing so many things that I appreciate about them, I realized that if the situation allowed it I would try to date them.  It was an interesting observation about myself and about dating in general.

Sometimes we miss the treasure because we don't like the chest.

These days it seems we are more concerned with looks and social status when it comes to these personal relationships.  Not to mention familial and societal pressure to be in a relationship is so high that many feel like they have to be in a relationship - and the sooner the better.  Also there is a prevailing belief that this other someone makes us somehow better, or even whole.  With these things nagging in our minds we make secondary what is really important - who is this person really and do our desires for and beliefs about life make us compatible partners.  Its like we think that if the person is attractive and the sex is good, everything else will work out.  The problem is that there is a world of people who are just as (if not more) attractive that knows a few more sexual tricks AND as you start to see who a person really is, the lust fades and there is really nothing else left.

No one can make you better, they can only spark the desire in you to grow.  And God created us whole, so to think that anyone can complete us discredits the creator.

I am not saying that there is something wrong with having preferences.  We like what we like.  There is variety in the world and we all appreciate being able to sift through to find what we enjoy and know that there is something for every taste and every fetish.  There is a joy in finding someone that mirrors who we are and what we bring to the table.  I am saying that there is something deeper that has to be acknowledged.  A person is more than their bank account, their physique, their job, car, house, parentage.  What about their personality, their pet-peeves, their desires for life, their arrogance, how many children they want, whether or not they want to get married, are they looking love or a lay, etc.

Sometimes after we sort through all that a person brings with them the one we didn't give a chance, might just be the chance of a lifetime.

Stick To It

So I have been bombarded with messages lately. Messages for me of course, but I think we all know that there is probably at least one other person out there that could also benefit from what is revealed to us.

So I have been bombarded with messages lately. More and more it's coming to me that if I want to move forward into my dream life, it's time to act - and act decisively. It's time to face the fears, push though the blockages and to tell mountains to move out of my way. It's time for me to get out of my own way.

Here is what I have been getting (Perhaps this is confirmation for you)

1. Have a Clear Vision & Write it down - go to any seminar or read any book on goals or creating the life you desire and the first (or second, but probably the first) point that they will make is that you need to have a CLEAR UNDERSTANDING of what you want to accomplish/the life you want to have. We (I) have to write down, clearly, what it is I want to have, do and be in this life. Not doing this keeps you circling in that wilderness, like the Israelites did for - what was it - 40 years! They doubted the promise of the land flowing with milk and honey. And, honestly, each day we (I) don't work on writing down that plan, we are also saying "NOPE. I don't believe that I can really have it." And guess what, we never get it.

2. Stay focused on your vision - ok so you have something written down... it does little good if it is in a notebook that ends up in a file cabinet (or the trash). Reaching our goals requires us to spend time focusing on those goals every day. Taking time to visualize having reached those goals and what life will be like at that point, even thinking about what are the next goals now that you have reached this set. Placing ATTENTION on our vision with the INTENTION of making it happen with the BELIEF that it's going to happen is the most powerful way to make things happens.

3. Take Action - There is something we can do, almost everyday, that will keep us steadily moving toward our goals. We have to take action and do those things. We have see the vision clear enough that we know the steps to achieving those goals - or we know who to talk to in order to find out the steps. Jack Canfield (best know for Chicken Soup for the Soul) says in his book 'The Success Principles' "If you are clear on where you are going and you take several steps in that direction every day, you will eventually get there." And S. N. Goenka echoes that when he says "Work diligently. Diligently. Work patiently and persistently. Patiently and persistently. And you are BOUND to be successful. Bound to be successful."

4. Be Committed - The most powerful quotes I have come across so far is this, "There is a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results." (Ken Blanchard) WOW! We have to be 100% committed to fulfilling our dreams. 100% committed to living our best lives. We have to make the step necessary to achieve these goals nonnegotiable. The things we want to accomplish have to be so important to us, laced with so much burning desire, that we stop accepting our own excuses and DO what we know we need to do consistently until we reach that goal.

These 4 things are swirling around in my head and heart. I know it's time for me to take them seriously and start doing what is necessary for me to live the life of my dreams. And that is the best gift I could ever give myself.

A Thought for Today

How much time do you spend on Facebook? Checking Email? Watching TV? Playing Video Games? Following other peoples Tweets?....

How much time do you spend focusing on your personal development? Reading wisdom? Working towards your goals? Learning something new?

If you are not making the progress you would like in your life and seeing the changes you would like to see, perhaps there is an imbalance in how you are spending your time. You need time to both relax and have fun and time to work on yourself and towards your goals. Too much work, you burn out - too much play you don't grow.

Make time for both and you will find harmony in your life

You betta Wake up and Pay Attention

I had a group of guys over just for conversation recently. As it usually does, the topic of relationships came up. Specifically the idea that monogamy is impossible for men. Basically the understanding that I hear more and more people coming to is "Men are predisposed to cheating."

Now I wholeheartedly disagree with this sentiment. I disagree because I haven't cheated on someone I had decided to enter into a monogamous relationship with. Now I will say that is not to say that I wasn't tempted, I was tempted a lot. But I decided that I wanted to hold fast to my commitment to this person so I didn't go through with it.

But it did make me think about something. There is ALOT of visual stimulation out there. There are attractive men and women every where. No matter where you go or what you are doing - unless you are sequestered away - you are going to pass by someone you find attractive. You may even find them more attractive than the person you may be dating or married to. But does that mean that you have to sleep with every person you have a sexual attraction to (that is supposing of course that they are also attracted to you) ?? Of course the answer to that is no. But the constant barrage of attractiveness sure does make it hard [pun intended ;-) ] .

It lead me to realize something - how hard it has become for us to focus our attention. In our fast paced world, before we can get too far with one thing, something that looks or feels better comes our way. Opportunities abound and there is always something to take our attention from where we may decide for it to be.

Take me for example. I started this Philosopher's Challenge with www.philosophersnotes.com. All I have to do is read and contemplate one 6-page synopsis of the major points of a different personal, financial or spiritual development book each day for 100 days. Actually let's be clear that it's 100 weekdays, no new information comes out on the weekend. For added interaction and revelation I could also add my thoughts to a message board about the days reading or at least just read what others thought and learned about the readings.

At this moment I am 5 days behind. (HAAHAA)

Mind you, I did say that there were no readings assigned for the weekends. So here I am a full week behind schedule on something I committed to for my own personal growth. I could have knocked out these 30 pages over the weekend with no problem. Or, hell, I sit at my desk with nothing to really do for probably a good 40-50 percent of my day (might be more but just in case a coworker reads this...lol). But at the end of the day, what have I done....

Well in a day I have probably...

• Clicked on the Facebook icon about 200 times to refresh and see if any friends updated statuses.
• Clicked through friends of friends to see who knows who and if I know any of them (or if they are cute...lets be real...lol)
• refreshed my gmail page about 50 times to see if new emails came in (not like it doesn't refresh itself and shows how many new messages in the browser header)
• Played games on my iPhone
• Taken a 20 minute nap

I am sure I could have listed more things that I gave my attention to instead of the things I could be doing to improve my life, but it's depressing me...LOL And when we take the time to focus on how much time we waste, we waste time focusing on feeling bad because of the time we wasted.

So I think even with the idea of cheating, we are not using our God given ability to focus our attention on this person who brings joy into our lives. We aren't paying attention to that person or to what it takes to keep the romance of the relationship alive. We are paying attention to our fears of being hurt and abandoned, fears of being bored, fears of missing out on "better sex", or having a "better person." In our fear of missing out on something, we may be missing out on the greatest blessing to come into our lives.

As Lauren Hill sang in Sister Act 2, "If you wanna be somebody, if you wanna go somewhere, you betta wake up and pay attention!"

Focus on who and what you have right now. By allowing your attention to waver, you are missing all of the blessings that this person who is available to you right now has to bring into your life. Focusing your attention into this person and basking in the joy that you feel when you are with them are the best things you can do for one another.

We will build better relationships and all around better lives when we can harness the power of focusing our attention on what we want and ignoring distractions. As a matter of fact, I am going to grab some lunch and focus on the person I have been blessed with and see what new ways I can come up with to let them know I care. Hmmmmmmm....